Written in March 2024 just before leaving my house of 7 years.
A personal sharing and message/wisdom from Rose that has come so many times in different forms. An "open heart" is not a heart that always exists in a state of love and bliss, but a heart open to feeling and flowing through the full spectrum and depth of emotion in surrender--this pure vulnerability is an immensely potent force and catalyst, and ironically "vulnerability" is more often a word used to convey weakness.
Those of us holding space go through processing too....The personal emotional process arising from 3 days of plant ceremonies and prayers that were guided just before this move has been one of the most intense things I've been able to hold and feel. Wave after wave of unprocessed rage and grief have been arising over the traumatizing things that happened living in this house and in my overall medicine journey. As they did it continued back for a couple of decades. I realized the abusive landlord from the house we are leaving and his behavior was the trigger and medicine to access alot of stuck emotions. This grief and rage is very much mine from many experiences starting in my childhood, and in these ceremonies connected and extended to my lineage, the feminine collective and history, and the indigenous tribe the shaman who made an attempt on my life came from.
We've been sitting with Rose and Ayahuasca, making powerful offerings containing items that have absorbed all we have experienced in this house (and some from before) for this next step, and its incredible to me the depth the plants have gone in these short 3 days and 5 ceremonies (final tonight), bringing my raw inner child to the surface like never before.
I've had a couple of days of wailing and screaming cathartically with grief and rage from over 20 years ago and those other layers, I imagine more than loudly enough for it to carry to the neighbors. Amidst this, in perfect orchestration as always from Rose, a gust of wind blew a letter from a dear sister and Rose Dietero out from where I was saving it and it came as comfort and a reminder of why I've been through all the crazy I have on my medicine path, the one person I've met who received the same attack from the same indigenous person and really directly understands all the layers of trauma and emotion that come with it.
I am sharing this partly to encourage when you see the light and power in someone who holds space for you, to share this with them, sometimes we need to hear it too the initiations that come with a path of service (especially plant work) can be downright terrifying and heart-wrenching. No matter how centered, calm, and empowered we may seem to you while in our essence facilitating these spaces, we are still as human as you are and have our own healing journey... and times of falling to our knees and losing our s*** for lack of better words in humbled surrender Most don't often share this, I imagine partly due to the widespread conditioned pressure to appear "perfect". To the one who left this beautiful letter, thank you.
Other pics of the start of the Despacho offering that kicked off these 3 days.
Also sharing as a small example of how immensely powerful Rose can be in a dedicated container. My dieta work is generally 14 ceremonies in 7 days or 28 in 14 and she goes way deeper, rapidly, than anyone expects from a "flower", it is hard to convey, those who know know in the end, the intensity is always worth the liberation on the other side, and it and creates space internally for whatever you wish to fill it with!
Onward!
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